Bag of Bones (2011)

*

Writer Mike Noonan is still reeling from the unexpected death of his beloved wife, Jo.  In his attempts to overcome the writer's block (and depression) that follows in the wake of this tragedy, he relocates to their summer cottage on Dark Score Lake. While there, he encounters a charming young woman, an adorable little girl, a creepy old man, and a host of horrific dreams and visions.  Not surprisingly, bad things happen.

This adaptation of one of King's better novels is utterly abysmal.

Admittedly, the novel is long and complex, and a completely faithful adaption would likely be both interminable and confusing.  And as with many first-person narratives, much of the plot development occurs in the narrator's head, making television adaptation difficult.  Still, there had to be a better way to handle it than this . . . mess.

The Scroll, by Grant R. Jeffrey and Alton L. Gansky

*

~~CONTAINS SPOILERS~~

Biblical archaeologist David Chambers, along with his professional nemesis and his ex-fiancee, have been recruited to investigate the Copper Scroll--an ancient artifact rumored to contain the location of a host of treasures from the second Jewish temple.  From the start, their quest is plagued by violence and setbacks.  Someone is determined to keep them from succeeding--but who?  And why?  And how do these opponents know so much about their work?  And how far are they willing to go to keep Chambers' team from finding the lost treasures?  And will Chambers find what he's looking for--the temple treasure and, more importantly, the treasure of his lost faith?

I have to admit, I was not impressed.  The characters were caricatures at best--the boorish and bitter former Christian, the pious and compassionate Christian ex-fiancee, the jaded and smarmy atheist, the devout Jew, the crazed Muslim radical, the wealthy American businessman . . . The most interesting character in the mix is the head of security, and he's hardly front and center in the plot.  But then, the characters are really just vehicles for that plot, which is part redemption story (will the disillusioned Chambers find his lost faith?) and part 'end times' adventure. 

The theology here is a bit hard to pin down.  A Jewish character repeatedly reminds the Christian characters of God's sovereignty, which is certainly a plus.  However, the details of the Christian faith are muddy at best--Jesus and the Bible are mentioned, but the gospel is never spelled out.  Even Chambers' return to the faith is suspect--he originally left the faith because he resented his (Christian) father for being gone while his (Christian) mother succumbed to disease.  When Chambers finally returns to the faith, it is not because he has learned or accepted something about God, but because he finds out that his father didn't know his mother was dying.  This restores his father in Chambers eyes, and allows him to embrace his faith again.  Thus his 'redemption' is based more on the actions of humans than on a relationship with Christ.  And of course, there's some eschatology here that some Christians won't agree with (i.e., the rebuilding of the temple being 'God's work'). 

A couple notes on the writing: the exposition was particularly ham-handed and awkward.  I realize that some exposition is necessary in order to equip the reader for a trip through an unfamiliar field like archaeology, but Jeffrey (who teaches eschatology, prophecy, and biblical archaeology) and Gansky (novelist) should have come up with a more organic means of communicating information to their readers. Instead, they use such obvious ruses as a) explaining the backstory to a (random) back-up pilot on a private jet who has questions about their plans (she is never heard from again), and b) a preeiminent biblical archaeologist giving a junior-high level lecture/crash course in biblical archaeology . . . to two of the other leading professionals in the field. There are better ways to fill your readers in on the necessary details.

The authors also had a funny habit of telegraphing their reveals, and sometimes even double revealing (as in, a character would say something, and then a page later say the exact same thing to the exact same people and this second statement would be treated as a dun-dun-dun moment).  Even the premise itself made for a weird 'reveal'. If you tell a bunch of archaeologists that you want them to work on a 'secret project' connected to an artifact that is rumored to show the locations of lost temple treasures, telling them later that--surprise!--they're looking for lost temple artifacts . . . well, it's not actually a reveal. 

Bottom line:  This is a Christian novel, and I highly doubt that anyone other than self-identified Christians will have any interest in it whatsoever.  It simply does not stand up to the objective standard of good fiction--the writing isn't great, and the story isn't particularly compelling.  If you want an eschatological novel of unimpressive quality filled with cliches and featuring ostensibly Christian leads, then this might be the book for you.  Everyone else is probably better off steering clear. 

I received this book for free from WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group for this review.

Shaking the Nickel Bush, by Ralph Moody

*

What a disappointing book! After four excellent entries--some of which were truly stellar--I can't believe the sudden drop-off in quality. Allow me to elaborate.

~~SPOILER ALERT~~

1) Lies, lies lies. Gone is the highly scrupulous Ralph Moody we came to know and love in earlier volumes. His desire to honor his father's passion for honesty, integrity, and forthrightness seems to have disappeared completely, and with no explanation whatsoever. He routinely lies to his mother throughout the book and doesn't object in the slightest when his traveling partner repeatedly steals chickens, "borrows" horses without asking, and otherwise makes free with the belongings of others. While it is certainly true that those raised to be honest sometimes waver in their devotion to the cause, Moody offers no explanation whatsoever for his sudden departure from his family's values.

2) The devil is in the details.

Nightlight: A Parody, by The Harvard Lampoon

*

What a disappointment! The Twilight Saga offers so much potential for mockery and hilarity, and this book . . . is almost completely unfunny. The authors are too busy trying to be clever that they never actually get around to being funny. I enjoyed their portrayal of Belle's clumsiness and the assumption that every male in her immediate vicinity was attracted to her, but the story itself went off the rails early on and never made it back. Good satire/spoofery needs just a hint of seriousness and quality. If you mock everything, you mock nothing. Incidentally, the book is full of editing errors which, given the writers' Harvard credentials, is, I hope, a nod to the crappy editing in the actual Twilight books. If the real culprit is just lazy editing, then that's yet another demerit against this book. Still, considering the material they had to work with--the ridiculous books and ensuing nationwide obsession--I have to say the Harvard Lampoon really biffed it here. What a waste.

The Midnight Club, by Christopher Pike

*

~~SPOILER ALERT~~

Poor man's Lurlene McDaniel reincarnate. Really. (And she's not even dead yet!) Pike sets his tale in a hospice center for teenagers--a McDaniel setting if ever there was one. But where McDaniel savors the poignant tragedy of young love and the implacability of impending death, Pike focuses on . . . reincarnation. Seriously. One of the dying girls remembers tens of thousands of years' worth of past lives, all of which (of course) include her current love interest.

The real bummer about this book is there's really no there there. The cover (and Pike's name thereon) would seem to imply that a thriller waits between the pages. Instead, it's just a book about . . . nothing. The titular Midnight Club gathers to tell ghost stories, sure, and some of them are pretty good--better than the book itself, in fact. But the overall story isn't a thriller. It isn't anything. I'm not sure I know what the climax of the book even was. The lead character learns some kind of lesson, I think? About love? Honestly, this book was a mess. It's awash with elements of Eastern religion--all sorts of Eastern religions--but it never really gets to any sort of point or bottom line.

The Liturgical Year: The Spiraling Adventure of the Spiritual Life (The Ancient Practices Series), by Joan Chittister

*

This is quite possibly the worst book I have ever read.

Ostensibly a book about the liturgical year, its history, theology, and significance to our modern lives, this is more accurately two hundred pages of Chittister assuring her readers over and over (and over again) that the liturgical year is important . . . without ever really explaining why. From Chittester's prospective, the point of the liturgical year is to remind us of the life of Jesus so we can emulate him in order to become "fully human" and bring about God's kingdom. ("[The liturgical year] gives us the energy to become the fullness of ourselves.")

That's it.

The whole book contains perhaps 10 pages of actual substance. I had hoped for an educational discussion of the history of the liturgical year and the theological basis for each aspect thereof. (Reformed Protestants are, I think, sometimes too quick to dismiss the merits of the church calendar, and I was hoping to better understand it so I could explain and defend it to them).

I was quite disappointed. In what were easily the most readable sections of the book, Chittister briefly explains the historical controversy regarding calculations of the dates of Easter Sunday and Christmas, but other than that, the book is just page after page of poetic-sounding, frothy, but ultimately meaningless statements about her idea of Christianity, which frankly has more in common with Eastern religions than it does with orthodox Christian theology.

On the Road, by Jack Kerouac

*

This book sucks. Not only does Kerouac treat women with disdain, but there's no discernible plot and the writing is terrible. If I wanted to listen to the drug-and-booze-addled ramblings of a shiftless vagabond, I would go hang out at a dive bar or sit on a street corner downtown. "Blitzed" is not a legitimate writing style.

Jenna Starborn, by Sharon Shinn

*

Jane Eyre in space. A dreadful, dreadful book. Gothic romances don't mix well with science fiction--and I like both genres! But cyborgs and spaceships are a poor substitute for the wild and darkened moors of the original.

Let Us Pray, by Watchman Nee

*

Extremely underwhelming. Nee's theology of prayer is unsettling, and could be taken to diminish the sovereignty of God in this fallen world. His heavy focus on satan is also troubling, but perhaps not surprising given his very real experience of persecution and spiritual warfare. He is also prone to repetition. Lots and lots of repetition. Still, he believes passionately in the power and importance of prayer, and I can support that, even if I don't agree with his ideas about the role prayer plays in effecting the will of God.